No one likes to give consequences or be the "bad guy." Why is that? If you ask me, it comes from a place of valuing a relationship with someone else, especially if that someone is your child. However, we all know that this is an important part of teaching and leading a child (or young adult) to a life of success. So how do you balance these two needs?
It is important to make sure that all parties have had plenty of opportunity to regulate their emotions enough to effectively express themselves and hear what the other person is saying. When emotions are high, it can be very easy for anyone to struggle in their expressing/receiving of information.
Consider explaining where the learning experience or consequence is coming from. Everyone can relate to the feelings of uncertainty when decisions are made regarding our lives.
When done effectively, a learning experience can be better received if it is understood as coming from a place of caring for the betterment of the person. Any of us can relate to a time where, out of caring for us, someone did something that was upsetting. How much more could we gain from these people, if we were sure that what was put in place came from love and caring?
It is beneficial to always remind ourselves, and the person we are addressing, of the reason we hold boundaries: because we care about them in the current moment and in the future. Even if they cannot see it, you as a parent can hold onto the fact that you care enough about your child to be uncomfortable with them.
Alicia Eggleston
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